Zues, great post. I am on the line of doing exactly what you said. Just letting him go and do what he has to do to heal. I don't the yucky feeling is worth the biweekly date. Mental gymnastics. That's exactly it.That is exactly my point and you clarified it. Time is great that one day a week when we are together. But it feels not good when that person (whether I slept with him or not, I am interested in him romantically) doesn't just say hi in the in between or even ask how your day was. He will when he finally responds days later, but this isn't what I want, and I don't think I am going to get anymore any time soon. It is no longer the anxiety of is he done or not interested. It's the sadness of am I even interested and am I getting what I need. And I don't think I am. I have been in this sitch before and it just didn't feel good.
I am having an awful hard time finding anyone who is compatible and interested in an R. I am certainly putting in my effort to date but every failed attempt makes me not want to do this anymore. Then I know people who go on a few online dates and they are in an R already. or find someone on their level. It's simply not happening for me. It's completely exhausting. If the universe is trying to tell me it actually isn't my time after 10 years, well, that's not right! I have put so much work into myself, am raising a child by myself, have built my career, furthered my education...... can't I get a little love?!
Anyways. My daughter. She was extremely remorseful. I mean extremely. She said she was very frustrated because she was hot, didn't want to be at camp and missed her dad. She hasn't seen him in a week and a half, and she is going there tonight, but he has chosen to work overtime. So she won't see him. She was in tears yesterday and I told her she could ask him if she could go there Thursday night too. Thankfully he agreed. She felt better. So, we practiced her staying home alone for a short time this week and she did fine and was comfortable with it. So now I can go to the gym (4 min away from my house) and I don't have to bring her. When I was gone yesterday, she decided to make me a little scavenger hunt with notes about what a great mom I am and she made an I movie with pictures of us. She also straightened up the living room. I do believe she is sorry. She was stressed and frustrated.
Well, work is scaring me because we have like no patients right now. It would be my luck to get laid off when I am trying to buy a house. They would relocate me in the system, I am sure, but I don't want to lose my job. Everyone is freaking out here. Plus side is it's pretty slow (which equals boring) but I am not going nuts. I can leave a little early because I bust my butt and stay late when we are busy.
Well, I am unsure of how tonight is going to go. I usually would be excited, but I am kind of meh. I made homemade hummus for the first time to serve tonight. I am making my special shrimp dish. And maybe some homemade mango sorbet. At least the food will be good.
