I do agree with everyone on anything you do won’t change a thing. In the way that the eventual outcome will still be the same. But as Gerda and others said you can do things to prolong her time in the tunnel.

Moving your son away to the city, legal ramifications aside, will look like punishment to her. That might just provide a new and long lasting source of justification for her feelings towards you.

Trying to reason with an MLCer is pointless. They are irrational and are incapable of seeing things clearly. Do not attack the OM! She must defend him. She will spend enormous energies to preserve her fantasy life, removing anyone who speaks against it. It has to fail by her or his hand, not your’s. She needs to learn.

I painful realization about OM. He is unfortunately a significant person in your W’s life right now. That could last for some time. That makes OM potentially a person of significance in your son’s life. Sorry about this. It took a while for me to come to grips with that. Once you do you will be able to ignore OM easier, for you son’s sake.

I have never spoke about OM with her. S17 told her what he felt, so many months ago, and she still barely speaks to him. He is the worse treated of all the kids.

Her new fantasy life, ideas, replay behaviour needs to run its course. Best to stay out of the way. She needs to crash her own train. She needs to have the sole responsibility for her actions. She needs space and time to get there.

As sjohns6 said detaching, focus on yourself and kids, gal, etc... all great advice and it does take a while until it hits you and you see. Make changes for you.

You are asking really good questions and looking for understanding. That is good and you are doing fine. Hang in there.

Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.