J - yeah i agree. the longevity of the R is dependent on the independent and sometimes collective decisions of both people. If one decides differently, then that's that. You know that from first hand experience. I feel intellectually I know what I want when it comes to D, but the issue of small sliver of hope for recon might still be kicking around. Appreciate the affirmation about it being okay. Sometimes through this process it can feel guilty to still have feelings of hope and recon when so much has happened. As you know, I am probably one of the lucky ones where my W didn't go off the handle, and if she did do the GGW thing, it was out of the public eye and me.
B - that's an awesome insight. I honestly did not even think that could be a potential reason. I am going to have to reflect on that and see what to do with it. I am just letting it sit for now as I keep focus on some other immediate things. Also, I hope your insight on this makes you believe in yourself more and trust that you can see things for what they are.
Benni - 'fistbump' for reals. Yeah I know I am a way better person now. My past self is a shadow of what I am now. That trust is huge. Hope things are going well for you man.
I spent some time journaling again today and it was very helpful. I am moving past the victimhood stage and towards crafting my life for myself that is coming from strength and love.
I also connected with a close friend today and we had a long chat about life and marriage and everything. It was super good to have the connection.
Thanks everyone for entertaining my wild introspective rides. I'm around.
