Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

Just checking in. All seems mostly well, so i will only touch on the areas where i think things could improve.

1) There has definitely been some cooling since the honeymoon period. Not "cold", mind you, but not as hot and clingy and constantly in touch, either. Most notable on the text feed. She was a constant presence there the first few weeks, now not as much, though our communications are still fun and flirty. She did have a card waiting for me when i got home from my fishing trip this past weekend saying how much she loved me, loved us, appreciated all i did and was for, etc etc. Guess i am just wondering what everyone's take is on how much cooling is too much? I suppose i fear a gradual and barely noticeable return to complacency.

2) Some personal things on her part that were somewhat troublesome in the past and part of the "Bad old Days" (prior to the affair but during that period where we drew apart) have cropped up here and there. Particularly her body image issues (Ex: flirting with her the other day and she said something like "look, if you are wanting 'all this' then there is probably something wrong with you". She was kind of joking, but kind of not. Also returning as an issue is her concern, either feigned or real, that i might be having my head turned or even becoming tempted or involved by another woman. She always used to make comments about me "seeing someone" or when a new woman would come to work in my office or if i went to see a female physician she'd make comments or cracks kind of half jokingly to that effect. This seemed to crop up late last week when i dropped a business card i had gotten from my physical therapy clinic for one of the (young female) massage therapists there. The picture on the card is, of course, flattering, and my W had found the card on the floor and put it up on my dresser with my other "pocket stuff" and made a few comments about my "little blonde masseuse". Same kind of half-joking but with underlying lilt of concern. During our therapy and during her IC she had told our counselor both that she used to hope sometimes that i would have an A so that it would give her an out, and that even before that she always felt not pretty enough in comparison to other women. She got really really upset once early in our marriage when i went into a Hooters restaurant with some friends when we were all down at a football game in Georgia, for just that reason. These things had kind of disappeared for several weeks, and she had said that her work with Jessica, our counselor, had helped resolve alot of her uncertainty and self image and other issues.

3) Maybe something, maybe nothing. While i was away, on Friday, she went out to "comfort a friend." I know the friend, and she does need comforting right now. I also know that they did meet up Friday night. However, for the first time since we started to R, she did not tell me ahead of time she was going out. I only found out when i texted her at bedtime and then she didn't get back to me until 1215 AM, after i was already asleep. She said she "didn't get the text until just then" (Possible, since she keeps her tones turned down and was in a noisy pub/restaurant with her friend). Said they went to bar and had two drinks each and some nachos. 1215 just seems kind of late for this other woman, who is not a night owl, generally speaking, though she does have some personal and family problems right now, and two and a half hours seems like a long time for two drinks and an appetizer. Anyway, when i got home, only the tiniest of alarm bells had gone off... until I found out (because i follow the place on FB) that, after moving to a new locale, OM's fave pub had a grand reopening. On that same Friday night. So, just for grins, because i knew i would find nothing and it would make me feel better, i checked her Google account (which she now always leaves signed "on" on the home computer). It showed her phone going to her friend's house at 830, and then to the pub/restaurant at 0915, and coming home at 1150 and arriving home at 1205 with no detours. However, her phone log also showed her searching for the name of that pub and its location. I know, i know, prolly nothing and i shouldn't have been snooping. Still, not a big alarm bell-- she does not appear to have gone by there... but why do the search? FWIW i have gotten none of the vibes or cues i had gotten from her in the past when she had contacted or seen OM.

Otherwise, all seems well. We continue to look for places to live once the kids are off to college in the Fall, as well as looking for vacation destinations. Things got a little tense a couple days back discussing finances, but we pulled through it and hugged and were good afterwards. That wouldn't have happened in the old days. I also was in a bit of a personal funk for a day or two last week but recognized it and pulled myself out of it, which she recognized.

Still haven't had a recent MC session with counselor... too busy.