Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 13, D busted

[PsySara]

Honestly I am all counseled out. I've been to 2 IC and part of the problem is, I am trained in all of the techniques. I am more of a solution focused based person and there is a lot of emotion focused therapy that starts to turn into so much navel gazing. So I start to feel like it's money and time wasted. The best counseling I received in all this was the DBing and I can always buy some more sessions for touch ups if necessary.

WH wants to go to IC and I've left him to his own devices. I personally have reached a point where I am largely healed from all of this madness and want to just continue moving forward. I told WH if I have any questions or reservations about behaviors that I find worrisome it will be addressed immediately. No longer will I simply put them in the background until the "right time" comes along to address them. No longer will I tolerate poor boundaries or disrespect.

He has provided complete and utter transparency. Paradoxically I don't feel the need to snoop anymore. His behavior is a very indication of where his head is at. If I start to feel anxious and like I need to spy on him then there's my answer, this will not work. The D is literally frozen right now and we have until October to decide which way to go with this. My lawyer assures me if I decide the D was the right decision then we can move forward it be completed in mere weeks. WH has turned in his financial affidavit and everything is done on his end. It really is up to me.

So I am letting time and his actions show me if he's worth reconciling with. I feel completely relaxed. I don't have nightmares anymore, I don't fret if he's a bit late coming home (though he texts and calls me constantly to alert me if work ran late.) When they tell you that you must be willing to lose the marriage to save it, that was serious. It's weird because I feel like that marriage IS dead. That this is something different. Not better necessarily but very different. It's like when you're dating and finding out if this person is a "keeper." I don't have any expectations so I am at peace.