180man Update

[180Man]

Jim,

Good to hear from you. Yeah, professionally things have been good. Probably get out of the military in a year or so and go fly for the airlines. Then I'll be setup for divorce #2! Hah, I'm just kidding! Personally, things have been up and down as you can see, but on the whole I have moved forward. I don't think about my ex all of the time. I don't wonder what she's doing. I don't try to reach out to her. I've also somewhat started to realize that I'm more attractive than I previously thought. It's kind of a weird feeling. I went to college at a school with a very high percentage of male students, so I think I may have internalized that to be a reflection on myself. I dated, but still felt behind the curve. Met my ex shortly after joining the military and that was that. Only recently have I started to realized that I'm not a completely ugly bum. It's kind of weird. Not that I'm some Brad Pitt or something, but...you know what I'm saying.

I've also realized that I'm very vulnerable and need to be very careful with who I choose to put my energy into. And I don't mean I'm vulnerable because of the divorce -- yes, there is that facet, too -- but I think as far as personalities go, I'm much more willing to work things out than others might be. To a fault. To the point that it's hard for me to recognize when I'm in a situation which may not really be the best for me. My current situation may or may not be a good indicator of that...I'm not sure!

How have you been doing??

Maika,

I think you're correct, it's anxiety and conflict avoidance. My friend just dropped a bomb on me saying I need to really think about her saying "I feel broken, I feel better off alone." Women can say some crazy stuff during a breakup, but I honestly have no reason to not believe her. If i take her at face value....she may be dealing with some serious stuff. All this time I had been focusing on me and what I did wrong...sure I have screwed up here and there, but....maybe there's more to this. I still haven't fully processed this thought, so I definitely need to revisit everything and see if there's any legitimacy to this or if it's just going down a rabbit hole.

But yeah, I agree. Take it slowly. I'm thinking of maybe breaking the ice by stopping by and kind of apologizing for the awkwardness my text has caused. Keep it light and simple and not linger...but just clear the air and go from there. Sigh...people are confusing as sh!t sometimes.