WW-is there hope? Any advise from former WW's

[LANE777]

Hello everyone, Yep I really hate that Im here and can't believe that I am here. Ive read a lot of stories and I know I am not alone here. Here is my story.
Ive been married for 17 years. We have 4 beautiful children. We are religious family etc. We never really fought . Typical marriage. No abuse and every thing was solid. She was 20 and I was 28 when we got married. Im now 47 and W is 38.
On April 7. My W asked if I would go for a drive. I said sure. While driving I asked. Whats on your mind? She asked if I was happy. I said sure. Sometimes I feel stressed but yes I am happy. What about you. She said..I am not really that happy and then this one ILYBINILWY. I was shocked! She's said she wanted to move in with her parents to see how things would go. We talked briefly and I said OK but usually when someone leaves its a bad sign. She left and 1 hour later she came back and said she wanted to work it out a home. I was so relieved. I told her I loved her and that we would get this figured out no matter what. Here is a small bit of info.My wife was diagnosed with kidney disease about 12 years ago. Her kidneys are now at 15% functioning. So from April 7 until May 20 the day she left again, I was treating her so so good. Making sure she was comfortable and picking up a lot of slack. I thought things were going great and it was getting better for her. On May 19I ask how she was feeling about our R. I fully expected her to say it was awesome. I was wrong. She said, I don't feel like were on the same page anymore. I don't have feelings for you anymore. I need to go find me. Its not you its me. You'll never change. I want to go stay at my parents. I had asked her this once before but I asked again if there was someone else. She said NO. Then I asked if she had feelings for some one else. She said I don't know but I think I might. Then she said she hasn't acted on any of her feelings and needed to get away. She works at a grocery store. She has only worked there about 2.5 to 3 years. Before that she was a stay at home mom. As time went on she would come home and talk about all the cool people she worked with and stories about how everyone compliments here looks. She is very attractive. I would get a little jealous but never told her. . Okay, sorry this is long.
So she's moved out. Of course the next 2 weeks I begged, pleaded, sent flowers, bought her a necklace she exchanged
for earrings. I went on a business trip for 4 days and had time to read and find out everything I was doing was wrong. So I tried to back off and give her time and space. In the mean time she is now spending more time with OM. I am being calm and collected and trying to be a good listener etc. She says he is just a good friend and I like him..like like him a lot. A week later she says that they've kissed so now it went from EA TO PA. Of course I am devastated and I am so hurt. I tell her she needs to end the affair. She said she liked kissing him and doest want to end the R. I finally found out who OM is. He is a coworker, 33 and single never been married. My W has had a crush on this guy for at least 2 years that I know of. In the mean time. We went on one date back on June 2. She won't go on anymore. As a family we spent 4th of July together. On July 9 I called her and asked, what are we doing? It seems you'd rather spend more time with OM now. She agreed and then said she had made up here mind and wants a D. I could not believe my ears. My wife of 17 years, mother of 4 with Kidney failure wants a D. So is she love struck or is it a MLC?? I hadn't been needy or desperate for weeks. She knows I am hurt. She called and said her co workers told her I would use OM to get full custody etc. She was in a panic and I said that yes I would. She said but this would be happening regardless of OM. And that she has wanted out for years!!. I told her I was seeing an attorney and needed to protect my self.
After things calmed down I called and told her I would like to talk it out before we go get attorneys. She said she had signed up for a class to help fill out D papers. I asked her to skip it for now. She agreed but insisted she still want D.
Since then we made schedule for kids 50/50 and we are civil and actually like each other. We text only about kids. She still goes to work and hangs out with OM occasionally but I know she wants to be with him more if she could. Her Kidney failure makes her tired etc. We went to a B day dinner for our son last Friday and then on Saturday we had cake. I was totally cool and didn't bring anything up. I love my wife and want her to come out of the Fog/Limerence. I am very strong for my 4 kids and keep a positive attitude. But inside I am broken and miss here very much. She is not the same person I knew just 3 months ago. Its like she is under a spell just against me and no one else. We love each other unconditionally because of our kids. I think she planned this for months and the OM helped her hit a breaking point. I know there are some veterans here and all I want is hope. I will end here and check back later. Thanks in advance.