Friends: Season 2--The air has cleared

[Underdog]

Meredith,

Okay, seeing your plea for help here encouraged me to login and post to you. You know I'm always here for you.

Before we get to my suggestion, I'm going to point out some significant shifts that are occurring between you and Sting right now. I realize that you're frustrated with both sides of this coin, but the fact is, I see growth.

Sting-Before: Acted like nothing was amiss, like your family situation was normal and that you were crazy for wanting things to change. (Hey, wasn't it he who said he liked things the way they were?) He ended all of his phone calls with ILY and promises to call you... promises which were typically not kept.

After waiting for him to give you some feedback, you addressed your need to move forward with him. You let him know what wasn't working for you, and while I know that you might have had a teensy nibble at fish, all in all, you have greatly improved your communication skills with him since we started posting to each other.

That last discussion, coupled with his commitment to give you an answer of sorts, I think has catapulted him into a new dimension. Meredith, I know you think I'm crazy, but I clearly see this is as progress.

Sting-Now: Is agitated. He's not acting like his jovial Peter Pan personality. He's making promises to get you information, and while I realize that he's not giving you the answers, I can see that he is struggling to find them. He's moody and somewhat sullen. He certainly isn't the guy you want to end up with, but I think this guy MUST come out in order for Sting to come up with some answers.

My suggestion would be to find something really good to distract yourself with. A commitment to walk with the kids in the double stroller is a good start. (Your legs are gonna be in fantastic shape... then you can use your strength to kick his butt! Hell, I'll even help you!)

Something to take the edge off of things right now. I know how desperately you want and need to know... really, I do. But I think you'll get more truthful answers if you can just hold on for awhile longer until he sorts this stuff out.

I really must say for the record that I don't think he's deliberatly avoiding you to piss you off. I think he's really worried about how to fix this mess he created. You know what? He SHOULD be worried! For once, this guy is scared of what this means.

I'm not saying abandon boundaries or let him pretend that he is not a father with obligations. Far from it. But take the heat off of this stove by flying away for a little while. You'll feel better and I think it won't be as traumatic for him to shed some light on this.

So in summary, your idea of going dark on him (as much as you can with kids) is a good one. Interact with him on issues that concern the kids and the schedule, but leave him be on everything else. Since he's not much fun to be around right now, it's a gift....

And unfortunately, I remember where you are too well. It sucks! Really, it does.

A big hug from me to you today.

Bets