Wow! Gordie, Once again I came to show support and ended up gaining insight and support from your thread instead.
I also have a W that didn't get proper attention and affection growing up. And what you describe as your marital progression, Gordie, sounds very similar to my own.
"There was of course total attention on her before there were kids And then babies came and I felt her total attention was on them and I was okay with that because I thought that was the way it was supposed to be
Yes I felt I was deprioritized and in hindsight shifted my attention to my career and the children which I feel was my biggest contribution to the breakdown of the M where she eventually felt I paid no attention to her and no longer valued and cherished her"
I know I didn't quote you the right way, but so much this ^^.
That plays perfectly in line with the only complaint my W has given since BD, that we grew apart over time as we focused on the kids. There was not enough focus on us as a couple. I've had a hard time understanding how THAT could be the deal-breaker. I know that it happened, but to me that is something that we could have easily fixed just by spending some more time together...because hey, its something that we both want and we love each other. To view it as more of possible jealousy due to me being more of the kind of parent that she would have wanted, and the fact that my focus was on her before the kids but shifted after...all makes more sense. That and I felt like you Gordie, that her focus was all on the kids. I didn't like it but understood it, but it also caused me to pull back and focus on me and the kids more.
Thank you Gordie for paving the way for my understanding. I'm following in your wake and snatching up all the insight being provided to you. You have my support, just wish I had advice to go along with it. Instead I offer humble gratitude.
