My W is in my dreams most nights since BD. Often it is in a loving way and it usually leaves me sad when I wake. Sometimes she's there is a negative way or neutral way and again, it usually leaves me sad when I wake.
I just accept it and know that it's my subconscious doing whatever it's going to do. You're lucky that it seems to be a rare occurrence for you. Your post sounds like you are really detaching given what you describe your thought process to be right now. Just keep loving your D and yourself and however this ultimately turns out for you, you're going to be a better man at the end of it.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
