And still struggling 2

[Jim1234]

Arsh, I have ups and downs. Limbo [censored], but I keep reminding myself it's a marathon, not a sprint. At the same time, I'm trying to move forward in various ways. I've started dating someone, but wanting to R with W is definitively a complicating factor! As time goes, though, I desire R less and less, so I guess that's progress. I totally understand about your desire for a mental stability test!

Nicole, I'll read PsySara's update next. As to what happens after the settlement agreement, I don't really know. I think I will drop them off at the lawyers, have him schedule a date in front of the judge, and it's over. That may take a little while because I think the courts here are backed up. But I think you're right. Nothing will change.

Something unusual happened last week that I wanted to ask the group about.... S18 is no longer a dependant and I no longer have to pay child support for him. So an amended alimony/child support order showed up in the mail, showing my child support actually INCREASED by $4. I've been busy travelling, so I haven't talked to the lawyer, but isn't this backward?

Yesterday S18 stopped by and we had a talk. W hit a milestone birthday and is throwing herself a party. Her mom, cousin, and sister flew in for the party and to visit. Apparently her house is in turmoil because mom and cousin are disgusted by the state of her house, taking charge, and making W, S18 and D16 clean ("This place is disgusting! I can't believe you live like this!"). S18 is upset, because he's fairly clean, and getting the backlash of mom's and sister's slovenliness.

For those unfamiliar with my sitch, W has issues, one of which is not cleaning up after herself, and she won't really make the kids clean up after themselves, either. I travel extensively, and for years, killed myself cleaning up after everyone for the three days I was home, then I'd leave on a trip, come home to a house that looked like a bomb dropped on it, clean in a frenzy for three days, leave, and repeat. Finally, after years and years of this, I just gave up, and carved out a small clean niche for myself. When she would come to visit, MIL would see me not cleaning up, and blame me for the state of our house.

I like and have great respect for her mother, and value her good opinion of me. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do.

Anyway, my house is tidy and clean, her house is a shithole, and her mother is seeing how her daughter lives, without being able to blame me. Maybe I shouldn't, but I feel a certain amount of satisfaction.