Still Navigating

[Dawn70]

You know, G, you talked about the damage that the cheating and divorce has done to you. I know you have been in counseling so I'm interested in if this is something that you can work through. That's a totally rhetorical statement, by the way...just something for you to think about.

It has been talked about on this board a great deal and I think one thing we could ALL agree on is that it takes everyone whatever time it takes them to get past their divorce and to come to terms with whatever issues plague us as we go from marriage to being single and ultimately (hopefully) going back into relationships. It took me about a year. Some people completed their journey much quicker while others have journeyed through all of their own waters much longer than that. We are all different.

Maybe you did meet HC at the wrong time; maybe he's just focused on himself so not really thinking about meeting someone else's needs and therefore doesn't even realize you might feel somewhat neglected by his actions; maybe as someone (coconut, maybe...can't remember for sure) pointed out in another post to you that he's got a good thing going, getting his needs met so why change the status quo? My point here is that there is a whole laundry list of reasons he may behave the way he does and only HE knows what those reasons are. He may not even be able to vocalize them to you in a way that you would understand because you are in totally different places on your journeys. Does this mean he's not right for you? Not necessarily. Does this mean he will be right for you somewhere down the road when he does get his sh!t together, so to speak? Not necessarily.

As many of us have pointed out, you can either relax and enjoy the ride or you can let the anxiety overcome you and either cause you to walk away or drive him away. Only you can determine that. And, honestly, I HATE when people say to me the very same things I just said to you. Someone did it to me last week in a conversation actually. I was lamenting an issue related to someone I have had feelings for forever and my friend just asked me "well what are you going to DO about it?" Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............smack in the face with reality much? I hadn't thought about it as a what can I do scenario, but it totally is because ALL of my thoughts, opinions, actions, feelings are well within my control. Now, I can't control anyone but me, but is it necessary that I do? I mentioned on my own thread yesterday that I joke with friends all the time about how I have a script in my head of EXACTLY how things should go and what people should say and no one ever bothers to follow it. How easy would it be if people would just follow the scripts that we have so carefully constructed for them in our own heads?

I think the real facts in this "case", G, are that you are a GREAT catch. Young, successful, independent, attractive. There IS a good man out there somewhere for you. Now, if your luck is like mine (and I think we long ago determined that we are very similar), your man is lost out there somewhere refusing to ask for directions, because that is just like a man to NOT ask for directions, but he'll find you when the time is right. (Yes, I know....I HATE when people tell me that too. LOL)