Gordie #20: patiently living my life

[Rita]

This all kind of hit me like a bolt too. My H has totally abandoned our S13, way more than with D9, and I was always thinking it was because D9 was somehow less threatening. I also always remembered that when D9 was a baby, and just the sweetest light, H always said, "She's going to save us all."

But this makes so much more sense -- my H was decimated by his parents, and his mom didn't protect him from the intense abuse of his father -- e.g., when he locked him in the basement at age 6 for having a friend over after school (he was a latchkey kid and was not supposed to have anyone there), his mom allowed it. When his father beat him, his mom allowed it. When his father said he was "rotten to the core," half of her believed it, and even told me that after BD to explain his behavior.

So it makes so much sense that he can't bear to be around my son for the most part, and often expresses his jealousy. I am the mom H wanted! But he hates me for it! I even remember once saying during an argument that I would not let him treat S the way his father treated him, that even if his mom allowed that, I never would. He was SO ENRAGED, moreso than the usual MLC rage. It all makes sense now.

We live in a small apartment but I made a small bedroom for my son the last few years using this small open area that my H used briefly as an office but then did not use for two years or more. My H was so angry that my son got that space, it was so weird as he wanted it left empty just in case he ever wanted to use it but didn't want his S, who was entering his teens, to have his own little room (or for the two kids of different genders to not share a room anymore) -- and believe me, we are talking about a tiny space for my S's room. And this year when I turned the curtain into a wall so that S could have more privacy, it caused a HUGE fight and my H punished me for months with his coldness and refusal to help me even just with some screws or wood cuts that I couldn't do. The whole house is still upside down from it.

And, as you know already from my thread, I am sure, my H is always trying to get me to sell our house so he can live on "his half" and also constantly demands money that he says is his right since I keep him from what is his. But recently he said something about how I was holding on to the house for the kids and not even letting him have any of it -- he said it in this really whining way, like a child who wanted to cry. Keep in mind, he lives here and has not given me a penny towards household expenses or child support or food or anything since before BD, so obviously he is not seeing this as a responsible adult would. But it really struck me at the time how strange it was and how childish even his tone of voice was.

H's weird jealous perspective makes so much more sense with bttrfly's interpretation and Gordie's confirmation!