This kind of pendulum swinging is a hallmark of MLC. I remember as my H was entering the tunnel, he would still hug me sometimes or be like the old H for a few minutes. As they go deeper into the cave, they stop doing that. But now, five years in, he starts being more like H for a few minutes once in a while. It's like the same thing on the way in and on the way out of the tunnel.
That is pretty bold of me to say "on the way out" for my sitch, but hope springs eternal!
The point is that everything you are seeing sounds TOTALLY normal and by MLC standards, you just started. She has to go all the way down to the bottom of the tunnel before she turns back so you don't have to worry about how it makes no sense. It doesn't! Heartsblessing has a good article on the "first awakening," and you are not near that yet but I feel like it might help you to read it just to understand that part of things.
Also I totally agree with DnJ (as usual) about wanting my kids to not enjoy being with H. I am always longing for him to take an interest in their lives, but then when he does do something with one of them (usually D9), my kids get mean (or meaner) towards me and I turn into a jealous child.
So what I do with that is -- I forgive myself and I go to my church (when it's empty) and cry for a while and explain all of it to God and then I sit there until he gives me peace about it, and I return with the understanding that that's part of the cross I have to bear to keep standing. The kids will know the truth about both of you in the end.
Last edited by Gerda; 07/24/1802:08 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
