You are still trying to figure out which of your actions will cause which reaction out of her. NOTHING YOU DO CAN CHANGE HER MIND. She has to go through this, on her timing, not yours. You could be horrible to her, and she could come out of it and beg for forgiveness. Or you could be incredibly kind and it could appear to "not be working" for several years.
You have to choose who you are and who you want to be outside of her, but bitterness/anger/vengeful choices will only enslave you and not help either of you.
The one thing that does seem proven here on the boards is that you can do things to drive her deeper into the tunnel. And those things seem to be actions that push her before she is ready -- that might be playing hardball, or calling her out on her behavior, etc.
Read Gordie's recent postings on his thread and my thread about how he listens fully and does not respond. That's the way to do it!
Unconditional love and kindness is always the best path, but boundaries are loving when your spouse is in MLC. Go dark if you need to, but when you do have an encounter, uninitiated by you because you are dark/dim, be kind, be full of grace, act as if.
And most of all, stop thinking about strategies for your behavior! Just accept that your marriage is dead right now and live your life, all the while holding the hope (or even conviction!) that resurrection is totally possible, but not on your timing.
If you have any Christian leanings, I would recommend looking at Rejoice Ministries site for the posting called, "Zip the Lips." I think this will help you a lot.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
