I have become much better about asking a question and waiting for her response since BD. It really goes to being more present and attentive more than an exercise in active listening. Admittedly prior to BD I engaged in the very behavior you've mentioned! I would ask, get tired of waiting for the answer or hearing her beat around the bush and moved on to the next topic. And you are right, it built up a lot of resentment and "you don't listen or value my opinion" feelings over time. I did this for years. And I know that 7 months is not quite enough time to undo all of that resentment. I need to be consistent at this for a very long time before she will completely trust the changes.
We did read the love languages book. The MC had us read the book and take the assessment. I feel love through physical touch. Her through words of affirmation. I show love through acts of service and giving gifts. She shows love through acts of service and giving gifts. LOL
I have been much better since the MC had us read the book at giving words of affirmation.
By the way, I've mentioned this before. Her love language is words of affirmation. Which means my overly critical, mean, and some would say even verbally abusive language leading up to bomb day was the WORST THINGS I COULD DO (short of physical abuse obviously). The MC and the book pointed out that when someones LL is words of affirmation, it is a double-whammy to be verbally critical.
Thank you Mach, I see that as time goes by the tendency is to go back to way I was before. I need constant reminders to make sure these changes are lasting and permanent.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
