My story. Advice needed

[kiro]

Equalzr, MLCers know they are doing something wrong and they feel guilty even though they may never admit it especially to their LBS.

They will seek approval wherever they can find it because they need to feel good about themselves. They will get closer to other MLCers or anyone who approves what they’re doing. And they will distance themselves from anyone who judges or criticizes them. As I said before, there is plenty of material online and in bookstores written by MLCers who will support others in their struggles.

E.g. I never read the book "Wild" and never watched the movie, but it was one of my W's favorites the last few years. I only saw glimpses of the movie and read a couple of chapters. It's obvious that the author was a troubled person going through a lot of pain and doing many wrong things in the process. The main message seemed to be: to find peace and end the pain, you must leave your past and start over. This book/movie was a huge success. And many other examples...

If you look at it holistically, they need all the support that they can get because they are in pain. Do they always get the right advice? I don’t think so. I think a lot of the advice they get is shortsighted to alleviate the pain now without addressing the real issues that caused it.

From my observation, I think most MLCers will reject therapists who will tell them that what they are doing is wrong. And they will find ones who approve what they are doing. But I wouldn't even trust what your W is telling you about the counselor unless you heard the counselor with your own ears. MLCers will hear what they want and will manipulate it to mean what they want.

I don't think therapy will benefit MLCers much until they are ready to face their real issues, which comes at a much later stage if they ever make it there.

That being said, what the counselor told her is not all that wrong. I don't need a degree in psychology to tell her that MLC tells her that she is unhappy. The important question is the real internal issues behind this unhappiness and what to do about it without destroying the good things you have. It could be much worse: according to my W, her counselor told her that I abused her emotionally, psychologically and even physically. No idea where they got these ideas. I never abused her in any of these ways.

So my advice: Don't believe anything your W is telling you. Don't pay much attention to that stuff. Detach so you won't get affected by her behavior and her words. When she says something like that, just listen. Be kind, but don't approve.