Wlf...as I say it's funny how for me with all the time my sitch occupies my waking hours, how little of her exists in my dreams. I guess I should also say these days my waking hours dwell on the specifics of divorce and not about our former MR or her current thoughts. in my dream we were together and seemingly happy, nothing more.
As for meaning, well I don't even try to think on that. It's as pointless to me at this time as trying to figure W's feelings is. I pray for her, me, my D...for whatever way may come to each of us, but that's as far as I go. As I say my goal these days is simply being able to accept and move on through whatever occurs in life that I don't understand. If I'm honest inside of me as my parents and other family members age, I'm filled with anxiety over what the next 10 years will bring to my life in terms of loss of loved ones. At times I wonder if somehow this "loss" I'm experiencing now is in some way God's preparation for me of a future pain yet to face. It seems a terrible lesson for me to go through..especially as this would/will be my 2nd, but part of me does wonder. The thought of losing a loved one always can keep me filled with anxiety, to possibly now have to face that reality without my W...like I say perhaps my pain right now is to prepare me for handling greater pain in the future. That must sound kinda crazy, but when I reflect on my sitch that's just a pathway down which my mind takes me.
