Letting go for my own inner peace

[Irish M]

Hi Kiro

I am following your sitch and I see that you are getting great advice.. It's not easy following it but in the end you need to trust your gut and look out for your kids. I too am sorry you are going through this. Not easy with kids. It makes it all more puzzling how they can just lose that motherly instinct.

As for my situation with the girls birthdays approaching. D17 this week and D15 in 2 weeks. I wasn't sure they would be messaged at all. The last birthday and Xmas they got zero contact. They did mention last week that they bet their birth mother ( that is what they call her now) will do something stupid.

Well their intuition was right. My mom calls me.

"Irish, I received 2 envelops. One for D17 and one for D15 . No return address."

So I swing by and pick them up. XW handwriting.. I get home and leave them on the table for the girls. D17 sees it.

"OMG, is that what I think it is"

I don't know. they are addressed to you, delivered to Nanny's house.

"Nanny?? why would birth mother send them there. lol did she forget where we live".

No clue?

D15 comes up and gets hers. This is where it hits home. She starts crying.
"Why does she do this, send us pockets of her and no real attempt. It hurts more and more . I hate her.

they both open the letters after exchanging and venting their feelings.

D17 card read:

Hi D17, soon you will be 18. Just want you to know I think about you everyday. Love mom xx

D15 card read:

Hi D15, I think about you every day, you will always be my baby , love mom xx

each contained a visa gift card of 25$

D17 says lets send it back. I don't want it.
D15 , send the card back , i'm keeping the cash . No send it back. that's not what i wanted.

So I say. You know girls maybe this is all she can do at this point. Yes D15 it comes in pockets. I couldn't imagine not seeing you guys for over 3 years. One day I hope she will figure it out.
As for the cards. You guys decide what you want to do with them.


So they decided to get them out of our house and send them back . Money cards included.

My parents were not that happy receiving this at their house. My dad said it gave him an eerie feeling. Like hes put in the middle. Doesn't like that feeling and she should fix her own mess. I understand him 100% . Like what are they supposed to tell the girls. Forgive their mom. or call her to thank her.

I find it funny she sent them to my parents house. As if I keep things from them here at home.

The girls are home after school at 3pm. EX just needs to drive by, knock on the door etc.
Emails , she has their personal one. No attempt.
Facebook, ok the girls blocked her. How hard is it to create a fake Facebook and message them there. Oh wait, that's pretty easy to do, XW had her 2nd Facebook while meeting OM1 so she knows how to do it.

on a personal note. I am working on my D15 sweet 16 party. I did the same for D17. Limo, supper out alone with friends and an activity of her choice. I also love making movies. So I start editing old home movies from D15 birth to last week at Comic-con. Well it was harder this time around going through memories and footage of XW when she was the person I loved. Crazy who she became as I don't recognize her at all now. |Not sure why i was affect more with this , I did the same for D17 and didn't get the same at a loss feeling. Maybe after withdrawal and acceptance there is a thing called memories that pull on your heart string.

I know she will never be that person again and I'm not waiting for it to happen. Too much has happened to forgive and forget.

I still have hope for the girls.





.