That’s probably a good way for me to look at the kids situation...happy that they are happy even when they are there. I am struggling with that. I know its right and I am trying to ACT that way. The selfish part of me would prefer that it not be good so that they want to come home and not like it there. I love my children and I know they need their mother so I am trying not to be that way. Well, I guess I mean not THINK/FEEL that way. I don’t act that way outwardly.
And to your question, the family reunion is happening. The 3 of them fly out Friday morning and don’t return until Tuesday mid day. I did not add that they will be coming home Wednesday night (of this week) to stay with me to break up the week a little. I hate having to do this with them. I mean W leaves and now I have a place I live and she has a place she lives...but the kids have to learn to live in 2 places. I hate hearing people talk about what schedule is good for the kids. None of it is good for the kids...it’s what’s better for the parents cause they miss their time with the kids and neither wants to give them up. Sometimes it seems to me that the kids are more mature than the adults.
Gordie,
I don’t actually have a custody agreement. We aren’t officially anything other than married. W moved out and we split our finances, but that’s about it. No talk of official separation or divorce. She just needed to go find herself. I have no idea what she sees as her future...if she even thinks about that. The agreement we worked out for the kids was just a verbal one...and so far they have been with me most of the time. I recognize that this leaves me vulnerable, but right now I don’t want to push for anything else. I think if I have to start setting boundaries because she is taking advantage I make look in to something more official, but so far she has been pretty fair. I am allowing the extra visitation for the family reunion thing because so far she has not seen them that much over the last month...and she agreed to let them stay on Wednesday so as not to be a week and a half straight. I feel like that is both of being flexible. I of course don’t like it, but think its fair (as fair can be in this situation anyways).
Early on, right after BD, W was still pretty nice to me and it seemed that I could tell she still loved me but was just confused. Even a year ago she was talking about maybe going to an IC and maybe getting on some AD to help with her ups and downs. That never happened but she was thinking about it which suggested she knew she had a problem. Then several months back she even initiated a R talk where she said she recognized that she had been looking at things wrong and was treating me bad and wanted to work on things. Now, only a few months later, she has moved out and barely speaks to me. She might text or call to discuss swapping the kids, but that’s it. I know it hasn’t been that long since she moved out, but she doesn’t initiate any conversations with me at all. Even if she did decide that our relationship had run its course, how could she not want to talk to me at all. I mean I don’t get the impression she is mad at me and avoiding me, it just seems like contacting me isn’t something that interests her at all. Of course that shouldn’t be surprising given that this is MLC, but it is an ongoing effort to wrap your head around this stuff. She has never even blamed me for anything. People say to listen to what they complain about and fix the things that need fixing and be the best version of yourself. Well what if they didn’t even complain about you? I didn’t give her any reason to leave. In her mind we must just not be right for each other any more and got together too young because she can’t figure out a way to be in love with me anymore. It’s madness. I still work on me for me (since I was given nothing else), but it makes it all the harder because there is absolutely no closure.
Onward and upward I guess. I think I’ll make a gumbo tonight...
