I am glad to come back and read that you don't want a divorce. I don't want you to think I'm being a smart @ss here, but the only to relieve your pain is to work through it. A punching bag is a good way to relieve some of that pain, finding things that will keep you focused elsewhere will help.
I think in time, the pain will become dull, i.e., an ache. Right now, you are bouncing around because her behavior is affecting you and you are very, very close to her and her drama. I also think that once she has moved into her own place, you and your children will feel a relief. The tension is high right now because of her behavior and the children are sensing it not only from you, but her as well. They see their mother acting differently and I'm sure they sense something is going on w/her.
Once she has moved, it is going to take a while for her to realize that you are not the reason she's not happy...but it's going to take many, many months for that realization to take place. You can moved forward, keep the door ajar and there is absolutely nothing wrong w/having hope and praying that she will wake up and realize what she's doing.
Your children will need you more now than ever. You are a good father and they are going to look to you for stability and a safe place to come talk to you about the situation. As for your wife, leave her in God's hands. He will take care of her, heal her and guide her to where she needs to be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
