FaceMan: I have been exactly where you are. You are still in the shock and early parts of this. So it all overwhelming and confusing. Our MLC spouses are cycling and are confused and thrashing about, and as long as we are "attached" we find ourselves doing the same, going from hope to despair, from wanting to stick it out to run away, no option is good and everything seems very painful.
So first things first: remember the 3 Cs. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it. How you are feeling now I suggest you have to go no contact and separate as soon as possible and as much as possible. If you are in the same house do whatever you can to not spend time with her and reopen the wounds. Seeing her is painful, she looks like that same person, but she is not. And this is very confusing and damaging to us, because it DOESN'T make sense. This is not a normal process, it is a traumatic loss of someone.
Reading back through your thread I see you may want to wait for her, then I see posts where you are in so much pain you just want it to stop. Start by deciding NOTHING right now, just stabilize yourself by separating, find your footing. She will say many things, and be sure of each one when she says it. She may remember what she said next week, or she may remember nothing. But she is NOT snapping out of it anytime soon. So get your footing, and ONLY when you do you can start deciding if and how long you want to stay around, and what are you hoping to do.
Take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time. Stop the immediate pain and damage and try to take care of yourself one minute at a time.
