Advice on my scenario pt. 20-Shock Therapy

[OrangeK]

Ok, so Lots to update on.

I had a lot of time to think this weekend, and made some decisions / revelations.

First and foremost, the Low i experienced on Friday (during my business trip i SHOULD have been enjoying) was entirely my fault.

I chose, like an idiot, to yet again engage WIFE in conversation about not violating boundaries with S3.
She took the opportunity to choose things to say she knew would get under my skin, such as "We arent in a relationship, therefore your trust and approval is nor important to me"
(i had mentioned needing to be able to trust eachother as CO-Parents)
and she again decided to lay the blame of the downfall of our MR and Her Cheating at my feet, and blame me for everything that went sour in our MR (so, everything)

That being said, it is my fault. I could have ignored her, like I had been, and it was working and making me feel like I had some self-control for once in my Sitch. She just knows the right things to say to get my blood boiling. Not again. I know its just a ploy to get my negative attention, and it worked. I bought it hook line and sinker.

My Depressions and "Lows" are a cause and effect situation.
If i speak to her, i can sometimes come out of the conversation feeling elevated and victorious.
However her negative effects are a delayed release formula.
Whether the conversation "Goes my way" or it is one that directly makes me angry off the bad, the results are the same.
I end up dropping into a nihilistic depression and painfully reminisce about all the loss she has caused.

It doesn't matter the context or end result of the conversation, the emotional blow-back i experience is the same each time.

I just read something on Ballst's thread that spoke VOLUMES to me.

I am constantly being "poked/jabbed" as if I'm the bad guy by W. A friend of mine made a very interesting point to me when he said "once you are gone and done with her...where is she going to go with all of that anger/resentment/frustration she has?"

By engaging in arguments with her, I am just making this process take longer.
By allowing her to take her frustrations out on me, I am continuing to provide on outlet for her negativity.
When i No longer provide that, it will have nowhere to go but to back up in her own life.
I was already seeing this happen 2 weeks ago when i had stuck to NC correctly for a span of time.
The faster I REALLY adhere to NC the faster this will happen.

More importantly the faster I will heal, and no longer get these "Lows" or "Drops"
because I will no longer be letting her effect my mood. At all. Ever.
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Additionally, BOY DID I GET A GREAT BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!!!

The Court finally replied to my Motion to Clarify - Regarding Child Support Payments vs. Daycare.
The Motion Response letter from my Judge read as follows.
"The Temporary Orders do NOT require The Petitioner (ME) to split the cost of Daycare with the Respondent (WIFE)"

THIS IS HHUUGGEE!!

I have been so worried about having to pay both its been stressing me out.
Additionally, I have BEEN PAYING Daycare since May 22nd when i was issued to pay Child Support.

WIFE has not filed out her end of the Child Support paperwork, So i have been supposed to have been saving the $95 weekly so it was saved up.

I did the Math, Since May 22nd i have paid $1,225.00 in Daycare Tuition (that i wasnt supposed to be paying), and I would have owed $950 in Child Support in that same timeframe.

I am writing a request to the court to retroactively apply the $1,225.00 i Have erroneously paid in Daycare costs (I have printed copies of all checks, as well as paid invoices from Daycare Center to prove this) to the Child Support I have been unable to save up during this time.
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S3 Had a good weekend with MIL. She took him to a fair on Friday, and Saturday they spent the day together (i guess WIFE was working, who knows)

MIL helped S3 make a birthday card for me, and Me, S3, SIL (brothers Wife) and My brother did Birthday Cake last night. S3 was adorable!!!

I am taking him Camping next weekend. Which I am REALLY looking Forward to.

Karmic Justice for my birthday?
Yes Please!