Can I really do this #4

[Dtrmned]

Steve,
I have eluded a few times, but they are numerous.

A couple of spinal surgeries that now are debilitating and cause chronic pain. Some days are better than others, but it has affected her (our) entire life. She used to be so active. Pre-kid she worked and worked out a lot (amateur fitness competitions prior to first spinal issue. Even post kids she was active and loved to have fun both as a family and a couple. Now can sometimes barely make it to the couch to get on her heating pad, but still manages to get most of what needs done, done. I help out a lot and so do the kids.

Various other surgeries. Melanoma, bladder prolapse, hysterectomy, ovary removed, appendectomy and probably a couple of others.

Outside of the spinal/chronic pain issue. She has some very severe IBS isues. The last issue started in September and lasted for about 8 months. She could only eat broth and jello. Test after test after test. Solution after solution after solution that just led to nothing being solved and more tests. When this kicks in badly, it wears her out.

On top of all that, I think the worst is she had to have her thyroid taken out about 8 years ago. They couldn't save any of it. She will be on replacement medication for the rest of her life on this. Her levels are now off as happens a few times a year. Unfortunately, whether you are hypo or hyper, it is not a good place. One makes you tweak out, edgy and can't stop (tough if your IBS is acting up or you are having a bad pain day). The other just makes you moody, exhausted and totally fatigued (tough if you have ANYTHING to accomplish). We are currently dealing with the exhaustion issue one. It takes about 6-8 weeks to get it back to any sense of "normalcy". It takes a couple of weeks for her to realize her body is off, has the blood work done, medication is adjusted, then it takes another 2-3 weeks to get everything back to some sense of normalcy.

That is the reason I kind of let the lashing out on me last week and the Sunday isolation and mood slide. I know she is struggling with WAY more than just our MR and our family. As much as I would like to think so (we are all selfish in our own way) I know that what she is dealing with sometimes has absolutely nothing to do with me. Hence when I insert myself into something that has nothing to do with me, it never ends well. She does her best to forge through. Sometimes she uses our issues to motivate her to push through harder. Unfortunately, whether it involves us or not, if she pushes too hard, it knocks her out for the next 2-3 days. Saturday, though a decent day as I was busy with chores and errands most of the day, my W was exhausted and on the couch. She said she slept ok Friday evening, but was back asleep on the couch from 7-9am, then again from 1-4pm. Hence the reason I volunteered to go and pick up dinner for everyone. I'd already cleaned the kitchen and thought the pick up, easy clean up and hopefully comfort food would give her a little comfort.

But Sunday came and again she was very short with everyone, not just me. Everyone kind of gave her her space and she spend most of the day up in her room either reading or napping.

I hope this gives you some insight into our situation just a little more.

I take my vows very seriously and I know I have a ton of NGS in me. I have stopped a lot of it, but I can't bring myself to not pitch in when the health issues arise. I can see that her future holds a ton of issues with or without me.