LOL crouton. Love the sense of humor. Something that is mandatory when you are in sitches like ours!
Her reaction was one of forgiveness and understanding. And she thanked me for switching the laundry. When then chatted while I ate, caught up on where we each were on the projects at the old house, then prayed together and went to sleep.
We spent some time in conversation this morning (I work from home on Fridays) before she headed over to the old house to continue working.
We are both tired....and sore.......and stressed. In years past we would be snappy, passive-aggressive, and generally nasty and short with one another. We have been so much more of a team through all of this move and working on the house! It is so much better than the past.
Arshi, thanks. And I hope it helped. You're right as painful as all of this is personal growth is the opportunity. And you are so young! Even if he never comes back to the MR, you have so much life ahead of you to find true love with someone knew. Imagine being well into the 2nd half of your life and facing that prospect. Not that my sitch was scarier than yours, but at 35 (I was 36 when my wife had her first EA) if she had been a WAW I think I would have had a different perspective. Then again, I hung on for dear life then too, except that she wasn't saying she wanted out but that she wanted to work on the MR. (Sorry for the stream of consciousness nature of this rambling!)
Hongaku, thank you! You're right, the moment it came out of my mouth I wanted to take it back. That is definitely an improvement over just spouting things in the past and not caring.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Good questions all Mach. As always you are very thought-provoking.
I'd have to think about it, but clearly I wouldn't want her to respond with an "I guess....."
Maybe Sure! cheerfully wasn't right either, but "I guess....." certainly wasn't.
Maybe something like....
Hey Baby (or whatever moniker/pet name you call her), I was totally hoping for a few minutes to have a bowl of cereal and put my sore feet up. I will switch the laundry tonight, I would just like a few minutes first. Does that work for you?
Then actually DO what you say.
Words then actions that match...
Balance my friend....
Ask for what you want...
Let YOUR wants and needs be heard as well....
Relationship is a two way street, just keep your side clean....
I see. So I should have taken care of my need first and then did what she asked. I think that would have worked.
Kind of....
What I am trying to say, is that it is okay to verbalize your needs too.
It seems that you had always had an agenda, that you weren't real good ( as most guys aren't) at verbalizing....
Why not say what you are thinking ??
It's the balance that I was talking about...
Ebb and Flow buddy...
I am sure that there are times when you would have walked in, she asked, and you would gladly do what she asked without any problem...
There will be times when you walk in, she asks, and you have something else on your agenda. It doesn't mean that you won't do what she asks, it just means that you have a want/need that you want/need first.
Just verbalize your needs/wants/frustrations, rather than letting them build up....
Would you call yourself an introvert , or an extrovert ??
Your spouse ? What would you say that she is....???
Mach1, I am very outgoing and get recharged at times through social interaction. But at the same time certain social interaction takes it out of me and I need downtime to recharge. Like I said, the Meyers-Briggs test had me at like 52% introvert and 48% extrovert.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
