Gordie #20: patiently living my life

[Gordie]

Gerda thank you for you kind words and yes telling it as you see it and the pushing and pulling and I hate to admit insults usually said with a smile but are insults nonetheless and yes it is tough to keep walking when I see only dimly but one day we will see clearly and yes the fear is real and yes believe that some days I am strong and other days not so much and some days am full of faith and hope and other days struggle to keep it together but the good days are better than ever and the bad days fewer and farther between

Yes I have experienced despair and never really understood suicidal tendencies previously but realized that would solve nothing and would only make life worse for my children so when I could not keep my chin up for myself I kept my chin up for them I. like a drink but never more than a couple as I have witnessed firsthand alcohol and drug addiction so never wanted to go there and I write this for other LBS so that they know these are all common temptation

So thank you for your kind words I have never read or heard that phrase that it hurts to stay awake instead of running away in one way or the other another way to think about it is that the LBS is also in crisis and if we stand we are asked to choose neither fight nor flight which really is contrary to our primal desires