My story. Advice needed

[kiro]

I dont see her ever wanting to come back to our marriage.

Very similar things happened to me. First of all, it is a good thing that you discovered this forum while your W is still living with you. I made a lot of mistakes and ended up pushing her away. I only discovered this forum a few months after she moved out.

Pursuing her right now and being the nice guy will only push her further away. You need to follow what others advise but do it for you without any expectations because she will still do what she wants. If you read AmyC's explanation of MLC, you'll see that MLCer will do what they want and will not listen to anyone.

I want to comment about your quote above. My W told me before leaving that she wanted to separate and that maybe in one year, her feelings would change and she would miss this life and want to come back. When she said that, I freaked out in my head because I thought exactly what you wrote above.

Now, I think differently. If she doesn't want to come back, I don't want her either. I don't want to live with someone who doesn't love me and doesn't appreciate what we have. Reality is that you are probably a great man and you have a great family. Hopefully, she will come to her senses at some point in the future and realize that. In the meantime, you need to be the best you can be, regain your confidence and be sure that she is the one who is missing out by deciding not to be part of your life.

That said, she will go back to see her therapist this week. Im not sure what she even wants to get out of it other than telling the therapist how much i did wrong over the years and hoping the therapist will back her and help her justify the things shes been doing.

You are right. As much as I think that MLCers have inner issues and they need some sort of therapy (not everyone agrees with that), I also caution about going to any therapist especially at this time because many therapist will only react to what she has to say. At some point, I told my wife that she needed help, and her response was that she already did and the therapist told her that I had abused her, which is totally not true by the way.

... but there is nothing you can do about it. Let it be.