Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 3

[Davide]

Joseph,

Your message really speaks to me. I have been laying low for a couple of days trying to sort things out in my head. I think there definitely has been some reality setting in, both with the message from my W, my return to city life, and my impending return to my house and all that entails. The lows and depression of the past week have been hard to deal with. It is really hard to understand that progress is not linear and that there will be ups and downs. This was definitely the biggest low that I have experienced since the first few weeks post BD.

I am confused and torn between fighting to maintain the changes I had been making, and sitting with and listening to the pain. I can't seem to do both. In my low moments those changes seem illusory. I need to reality check myself about the slow but real progress I have made. I am more mindful. I am more ok sitting with myself. I am aware of self-esteem and codependency issues I need to work on. I am more attuned to the reality of my situation (painful as that is.) I think a lot of my problem is lack of patience. I felt like I was getting to a better place with myself pretty quickly, and thus this setback has been hard to take.

The other strange thing for me is that I have found it less comforting to come here and read and comment on other people's sitches. There seems to be a flood of new LBSs and it just seems sad and depressing that there is so much hurt out there. It does make me appreciate the courage and the generosity of those experts who keep coming back and helping us newbies. I can only hope that it isn't as painful for them and that they get some satisfaction from all the work they put in. My thanks again to all of them.