I sure had a lot to catch up on from your threads and you're already on page 6 of this one-whew!
In regards to this crazy-making...I don't think I'm a CM but I'm wondering if there are some other things that can be construed as CM.........for example, my H would go out regularly during the wk while we were together w/clients, friends whatever. Now I thought it was part of his identity and need to be an individual but as we got into this sit, he made comments about it in respect to not really always wanting to be out but not wanting to come home. Could this have been a cry for his CM? I mean, could his going out have been a way for him to try and reach me to show him more love? I told him that at times I could "sense" that he was going to be out on a particular day coz it had been a while or whatever and then he would extend his time out and come home when I was asleep (or pretending). I wouldn't scold him but it didn't make me resent him either. I felt he needed this to relieve stress so I allowed it. I can't recall ever asking him to "not" go out--but I did make those terrible sighing noises on the phone when he would call and tell me he was going out. I guess they sounded like a whine and it made him stay out more or longer. I couldn't win either way.
As for the fighting/shouting...we never did that..we don't really fight..he's always been passive and although I can hold a grudge w/him..I didn't state it aloud but he could read it. (one of the things I've fixed w/DBing)
Next, the black/white standpoint...this is how my H proclaims our sit. He doesn't have control of the M and therefore it is OUT of control (make sense?). I never felt like I was controlling the M; we seem to give and take as far as decisions were concerned but he has pointed out some things that bothered him and I wonder if this is his realization that he was not in control. (i.e. if the kids don't like dinner, he would prefer them to not eat what I made; I on the other hand would make them something different coz I knew they wouldn't like it)
Now, my H has a lot of control at work. He makes the rules up, he's in charge basically. He LOVES his job and as I've said, is a major workaholic. He states that he loves the challenges it brings and every day is new. He is in control of his day to some extent but only to the extent that he decides how long to work and what to control in his workplace, but not at home???? With our M, he could predict? what it would be like that day/night, etc.. Thus, another part of the CM - boredom?
He has mentioned he likes to be spontaneous, I know this. He likes to do new things but in my perspective, we have 3 kids that spontaneity just doesn't/didn't work with. Sure I would love to go to happy hour or a concert or where ever w/him but I chose to allow him to go and I would tend to the home life. So much for giving him his space.
So I ask, was he doing some of this to get my attention? Wanting me to stand up and say, Hey, I want to do that too, next time can we try and get a sitter so we can both do it? Did he do it so I would fight w/him and show him how much I wanted to be w/him? On occasion I would mention I didn't like it but I rarely fought him on it. So, is this part of crazymaking? Could part of the reason he pulled out be that he wants me to STAND up to him? I doubt it coz before DB I cried and begged but you know what happened. Well, any clarity would be helpful. Just wondering if crazymaking has some of these qualities or not. Thanks! Tootles........
I did, thank you Betsey, hope yours was good as well.
I'm off for nearly two weeks, seeing my family, and hopefully not thinking too much about H, more about my future plans for this summer etc.
Your diet sounds great. I'm a classic case of "do as I say, not as I do". I am pretty well informed, I have umpteen books on my shelf about diet and nutrition, very radiacl ones too, but have got into a rut the last few years of not getting off my arse and getting fit, and now I have lots of niggling little problems creeping up on me. I am only about 5 to 8 kilos overwight, but cannot seem to find the resolve to shift it.
On the other hand I have been very particular to inculcate good eating habits (and exercise habits) in D and she is beautifully fit and healthy and athletic.
So after your talk about taking responsibilty for what you do, including what you put in your mouth, I think I will take up the challeng myself!
Here's to a svelter Livnlearn!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Bridget,
I want to do the KLA, but I couldn't order my tapes until this weekend. How long has shipping been taking? I saw that someone else ordered his on the 18th, but hasn't rec'd them yet. I'll join in ASAP!!!
Can anyone visit me on my thread??? I want to crazymake so bad!!! However, at least I am at step 2-Identifying that I want to. Just not sure how to move on to further steps. Well, I know just being patient, not acting out, but acting as if will help me in the long run, but I'm having a really hard time keeping my mouth shut!!
-It's "Seeking the Truth" in Piecing.
Quote: And I know that whatever happens, I will be just fine. I don't feel desolate or desperate anymore. Hopeful, for sure, but not expecting. I really believe that this is the best place to be in a process that has been agonizing and filled with anxiety and desperation.
Yes, Betsey. I'll give you a high five for this one!
You are an amazing woman, working very hard to wrestle your own demons and see clearly what's going on in your M. Sure, you've grown into a different person, one who seems to have a clearer and clearer sense of the answers to her own questions. When Mr. W comes up with his decision, you will have those answers still and you can now weigh it all together and go forward however you decide in peace.
You've been drinking from that pint o'courage, haven't you? I hope you enjoyed your weekend.
Hey, I'm now getting blamed for songs that you conjure and obsess over? Why not? I'm sure I caused the Avs to lose too!
Everything here is going along swimmingly well--that is, boring. We had the snow last week, so I have to say sorry for that. We really needed it, but it DID suck. Today it's supposed to be 78 and tomorrow 80. I'm a happy camper, because I leave work early today.
Phoebs is not creating any drama nor doing anything interesting. So she's using this time out as a means to focus on her employment. This is a necessity!
A few more posts to check and then I'm hopping on my task list for today.
TTFN!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
