WW having affair and pushing for divorce

[DB346]

S7 came in and woke me up this morning. That is so much better than the alarm clock. I'm so happy he is here, but I still feel alone. I'm not even sure that I actually want to be with my W anymore, but I can't help but feel horrible about the fact that while I'm struggling to keep it together in front of my son she's off with someone else. After all our years together, I just don't mean anything to her. Why do I let it bother me so much? My only concern is making sure that I get at least 50/50 custody.

If it wasn't for our son, I probably would have already filed for the at-fault divorce. She has lied to me at every step since BD. She lied about the text messages, she lied about there being an OM, she lied about who he was and how she met him. She has constantly lied to our S about where she has been or where she's going and why she didn't come home to him. She even lied to me about who recommended her lawyer to her (I know because she's given me at least two different stories).

I don't believe anything she says, because I CAN'T believe anything she says. And the only actions I have to work with are her pursuing the A with OM above everything else in her life, including S7, and her pushing for the separation agreement (seemingly to try to keep from facing an at-fault filing for adultery). So, I am moving forward with the separation agreement as long as she agrees to joint custody. If she decides she wants to fight, I will move forward with filing.

I'm letting her go...she's already gone. I know that I will come out of all of this better, stronger and happier, regardless of what she does. I just have to do the work, trust God and fight through the pain to get there. Now I need to go get ready to take S7 to church.