It's been awhile since I've posted...I haven't had any contact with W in quite awhile and it does get easier but I think that it probably makes it easier for her to move on as well...It is still very difficult when you run into people that you haven't seen in awhile and they ask about her...Our massage therapist actually started tearing up when she heard the news "You guys were amazing for each other and it's such a loss"...It really affects me when distant acquantances all react the same way because it really makes me feel like we are both losing something special that everyone recognizes but my W...
Anyways, have been doing some amazing self-work and attended a day long mindfulness retreat where you were not allowed to talk or make eye contact with any of the other 15 people attending...It was quite a mind trip and made me realize how much I look to other people to validate my existence...Been working with therapist to deal with the Nice Guys issues and how those traits can hurt my relationships...Speaking along those lines, I was out gal-ing and talked to this beautiful women but I just couldn't think of even touching her...I've been with my W for over 12 years and when you do the math that is over 1,000 intimate physical experiences and I just can't imagine being with another women....
It's just tough, but taking it one moment at a time and starting to accept that My life isn't like I want it but if I can accept that my life is what it is than I can start to understand that I can handle it...
