Hard to be positive

[Ruby100]

My H (57) & I have been M 32yrs. I met him at 16yrs. He had an affair for 3.5yrs with a colleague, 23yrs younger. He doesn’t find me attractive or sexy any more which, combined with the age difference is a huge blow to my SE.
He has been gone 23 months & is still with her. He still visits me, loves to chat & see our dogs (no kids involved). He is now going to work abroad. I believe she is going with him. I’ve said that I want the house cleared & that D proceedings should start. It’s not what I want but needs to happen for my sanity. Breaking up our possessions is heartbreaking even though we are doing it amicably. I’ve believed all along that it was a MLC & thought eventually he would see sense & come home. Sadly not. All I wanted was for him to come home & for us to work on our marriage. We have so much to lose. So much history & memories.
It feels like there will never be an end to the pain that I’m feeling. I feel like I make progress then something else knocks me back. He was my best friend & I miss him so much. I can’t imagine a future without him. I’m reading lots of self help books; listening to podcast etc which all help to a degree but I feel stuck. I can’t imagine ever dating again or trusting anyone either.