The house had become a very major issue in our marriage and I've now made massive changes. She came back into the house a few days ago for the first time and genuinely really liked all the changes I've made. It has gone from a place neither of us had wanted to live to looking great. It is a huge transformation.
We had very little support from others for childcare and only had 1 night out in months. W also failed exams she needed as part of her job and blamed me. I had also wrongly assumed her parents knew W had failed and W wasn't happy they found out from me. Everything all went wrong at once from car problems, to appliances failing, to child ill etc. W became an abusive nightmare. It became overwhelming and I packed some things to leave but she wanted me to stay (I realise now that she'd been planning to leave anyway).
I had let myself go for years but I now look far, far better than the me who she left, better than the me who she married. W has noticed the huge change and given me great compliments. She seems jealous of other women taking an interest in me.
Her parents have not wanted us to be together since the day we met. Their life revolves around W and our kids but they don't see them very often as they live far away. They bought a second home locally that they really struggle to afford and now they are all living there together. It was a very easy move for W to make rather than sort out any M issues.
I have no firm evidence that W is having an A but I can't be 100% certain. She would never admit to it if she had. She wouldn't want to hurt me by saying, she wouldn't want people to think bad of her, she thinks I'd never be able to trust her ever again etc.. None of our friends think she is. She worked during the day, hardly ever went out in the evenings, and we spent every weekend together.
W is only just starting to realise that her new life isn't as great as she thought it would be. However, I still expect W to look to get a quick D as soon as her money has been hidden.
