Quote:

she just wants to be HEARD and UNDERSTOOD. I realize that you will never understand hormones, etc., but just to feel validated is sometimes what I feel like screaming for.

[snip]

Walking away to me is the WORST thing my h could do (that just reinforces the fear of abandonment and would REALLY REALLY make me freak out.) Perhaps if you can say something like, "i see that you are upset. If you can *fill in the blank-de-escalate*, I will talk with you. If not, then I think we need to separate for a little while so you can *chill* PC: sort out what you are thinking/feeling." If I hear, "calm down," I only get more infuriated.

But, sometimes h can ask me, "don't you think you are being irrational/making this a bigger deal than it is?" and I can calm MYSELF down and say yes and *try* to be more rational. (But, this took us a long time!!) slowly, slowly, keep swimming, keep swimming...

karen812


Wow Karen,

You have described me totally!

Pam

"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"