Quote: Oddly enough, this is how I met Trish (Cycler). Her H is a crazymaker, and we managed to help each other.
I know she still lurks, so I'll ask her to jump in. Until she does, I'll give you a synopsis of things that she did that worked.
When he tried to engage her in his attempts, she would shut him down... by responding rather than reacting, and doing the total opposite of what she did before that invited her to play out his drama du jour.
Pretty soon, his attempts were being thwarted by not giving him what he wanted. If the other person is not joining in the drama, pretty soon the drama fizzles out. Just consider yourself a firefighter, walking around constantly with a pail of water, broom and dustpan....
I need to jump in here...
I hate to throw a wrench into the works here, BUT, I need to tell you my own experience.
My H NEVER responded to my crazymaking. He doesn't like to argue, so he would just walk away. This would make me crazier! I would follow him and yell more. He would still ignore this. Finally, I would calm down, and usually cry and say I was sorry. We would then have sex. Yes, Briget, make-up sex is awesome! Now, for years I did this. The payoff was that I got the closeness I was looking for in the end.
However, my H suffered in silence.
Bring us to now. The suffering in silence couldn't continue. Oh, he's quiet, but only because he cannot talk about this time in our lives yet. He is still so full of resentment that he can't get through a sentence about it!
He took that treatment because he felt he deserved it. Now he realizes that he didn't, and that I beat him down every chance I got.
So, I wish it were as simple for me as having him not respond.
The response now hurts far worse than the fighting back would have.
