Hongaku I just caught up on your sitch here. I am in a very similar sitch as you (sans kids) so I hope I can be a resource of some help even if its just to learn from my mistakes. First off I would like to back up some stuff V has said about putting the focus on you. You need to fix yourself first to break the depression narrative to be the person YOU want to be. WAW will figure it out eventually that you have changed and any chance of Rec will happen much later so just take that off the table and out of your mind. There is no shortcut here...it is good you are feeling through this...as a win for today know that it could be worse, your depression could have you apathetic and the fact that you arent means you are beating the depression! Ok life purpose and goals are the name of the game now...I too am a musician (a failed one) but that is still who I am at the end of the day. I know it is beyond hard right now to feel inspiration but you need to lean in to that direction as I feel it might be who you are too. Let go of the nonsense talk about it not being a viable path...making money at it is not the point...Building your comfidence and giving your life a purpose is. One thing which worked really well for me years ago when I got sober was I started collecting records which ended up becoming a great means of filling time when I was alone and gave me a whole world to fall into. The beauty of the hobby is that it can be done cheap go find $1 bin records at thriftstores or used shops buy 3-4 a few times a week which look cool and even if they arent eventually you will find some that are. What is great about this hobby is that it lets you engage with music and learn new things and ideas even when you dont feel inspired to play. Also there is a huge community you will eventually find. Also get on craigslist and go jam with other musicians in your area you will eventually make friends trust me! You need a lifes purpose and this is an avenue that you already relate to no need to reinvent the wheel or start from scratch build on who you are. Second go get a PART TIME job! Serious wipe away from your brain the BS about career who you need to be etc. just get something you can do or tolerate doing. But only part time you need your time also in life. Finding this work life balance is the road to maintaining happiness or at least contemptmemt. The bigger answers will come but being small and humble nowwhile also moving in A direction will build you back up. Your WAW is only focused on her so let go of you having to or even being able to do aomething that will change that. She will come around when she is ready and if she loved you when you were less than even the smallest version of positive life change will be apparent. Third I highly recomend Iyengar Yoga it is really mellow and has been the thing for me to ground myself back into me. Hold strong my brother you got this!
M 40 W 34 Together 7 Married 2 No Kids BD 1/18 need space Moved out 2/18 ILYBNILWY & Asked for D 3/18 W filed for D 6/18 D final 10/18
Thanks, Ste7e. I've been hard looking for a job for over 6 months now that is in line with my professional experience. The job market here is really tough and I'm in a weird place of seeming to have either too much experience (when a younger, fresher out of college person could do the same job for less money even though they don't have the experience), or of having too little experience in key areas to land something. So, today I had an interview at a popular coffee establishment for a position as a barista simply to try and get myself busy doing something and getting a little cash flow until something better comes along. A guy working there was similarly doing the gig as a transitional job, and he had been there for 8 months already - not very encouraging. It isn't going to be enough money to move out of my cousin's place, but he assured me the other day that they're in no rush to push me out the door and that I'm not in their way. I actually often play music with my cousin, who I taught to play guitar a long time ago. The guy is like a younger brother to me (my own younger brother is incarcerated - stay away from meth, folks!). Thanks for the advice though on exploring new music and ideas.
I know that it's a marathon and not a sprint, and there are no shortcuts as you said. The depression itself is under control and I'm just working on undoing the defense behaviors that I developed while in the throes of it. Things like being passive aggressive, cynical, critical and judgmental, with a tendency to highlight the negative over the positive. Working on having a positive mental attitude in general. As all of us here are familiar with though, the pain of the sitch is hard to overcome and it can easily lead us into being self-absorbed and stuck emotionally. It takes a lot of discipline to overcome because it requires an almost constant state of mindfulness. Knowing that you also have to let yourself wallow a little at the right times or the emotional stress will build up too much. I've been doing a lot of meditation/hypnosis meditation lately. It does seem to help me get some level of peace and grounding. Yoga is definitely something to think about, too.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
So, today I had an interview at a popular coffee establishment for a position as a barista simply to try and get myself busy doing something and getting a little cash flow until something better comes along
If you where to throw a dart at the state to pinpoint where you are...
You have to do WHATEVER you have to do. There is no shame in working a job you don't love while you look for something better. You aren't just sitting around waiting for something to find YOU.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
