And heres a question for you. Lets say she went and was sleeping with OW today? How does that change anything for you? What if she were out for a romantic lunch? Or what if they sat and played Boggle? How do any of those things change your plans?
It would change my plans in so far as I would give up all LRT or DB efforts and wish her good riddance.
How about in your mind, you do that. What would that look/feel like? Would you be stopping waiting for her to come home? Would you be out GALing? Would your mind stop 'racing'?
No it wouldn't, it would make matters worse. It would make me feel angry to the point where I would want to destroy every last reminder of our relationship in this house (above and beyond what I already chucked out the day after the BD). It would make me pack up my belongings and my dog and run home to mum. Which, as my rational self now knows, I don't want to do, because I want to stay in the UK, I want to stay near the few friends I have, and I want to do the campervan thing going travelling. As I can't do that yet, I need to try and keep busy, try and not listen for the keys, try and GAL without forcing me to do stuff I don't really want to do, and keep working on getting a place, and ultimately, said van.
As far as what youve said, she is already in some kind of affair. From how you are describing your life, you are in a "pick me" situation. Youre forced to watch/wait while she "decides" whether to proceed with this A or to "choose" to stay with you.
To me, that isnt a life that I am willing to lead. I vowed that while my XW was in that situation, I was not going to sit like a good little boy in the exact place she left me, waiting and hoping for the day when she would walk back in the door and choose me.
You have an incredible OPPORTUNITY to remold your life and your persona as you want. You know all of those things and experiences you put off? NOW is the time to do them. You know those salsa classes you were always interested in, but never attended, NOW is the time to do them.
For me, I joined a board game night. One night a week, totally free. It led me to having friends I could go out with periodically. I joined a fantasy football league with some. And now, I do bar trivia weekly with some of them. You need to start opening doors to the things in life you never did while in your relationship because they can and will lead to other opportunities. And these will help fuel a change in you. And will help you to DETACH. But, taking step 1 is hard. And taking Step 2 is hard. And so is Step 3. But eventually, you will succeed.
By the way, Id recommend you to read the threads of DifRent and NYGal. You might find them particularly relevant as both are W/W relationships with affairs..
