Nicole - my W and I were not on the same page about the separation. I thought this was to take some time away, re-think things, work on the marriage through counseling. But a few months after BD, when I had the final talk with her about our R, she point blank told me that this was permanent. At that point, I decided that I was not going to waffle on DB and just figure out my life for myself. Yes, legally we have to wait 12 months before either party can file for D. You can file earlier if you can prove infidelity or abuse etc. So, those 12 months are up.
I agree that it is hard to drop the rope when you get here. Most people are going through a lot of turmoil and so are unable to do it. I just think if it's possible to do it, then one should just do it. But I know it's very difficult to have that larger perspective in the beginning.
About your financial situation, I totally see what you're saying. I really like your vision on being financially self-reliant. I always say that one thing the LBS has to do is become self-reliant in all aspects of their lives because you should not count on the other person to do what needs to get done. Unfortunately we see here all the time the WS/WAS dropping the ball on their responsibilities, and the consequences are so much higher when kids are involved.
So, yeh, that will be the final survival stage marker for you. But you've come very far and now it's just a matter of reaching that financial marker. Keep us posted for sure. I will come back and post when it makes sense for my sitch.
