Gordie #20: patiently living my life

[bttrfly]

Gordie, you're in great hands. There's nothing really to add except two things.

First, I started setting intentions at New Year's rather than making resolutions. Did that for the first time in 2015. It was unreal in that every single intention came into being before the end of the year, and not in any way I would have predicted (ex. one of them was to support my husband in whatever ways he needed me to --- BD happened 4/6, I didn't contest, fight or anything like that, just responded with as much loving kindness and compassion as I could muster). So, this year there was only one intention: that on 12/31/18 I look back and see that the bulk of my decisions for 2018 were made coming from a place of love, not fear.

I wish that for you also - that your decisions be made out of a place of love rather than a place of fear.

Secondly, I think all LBS are suffering from a certain measure of PTSD, particularly strong for those still living with the MLCr. Let's face it, the MLCr usually puts their family through the wringer before they BD. If they stick around post BD, it's just more of the roller coaster that mirrors their inner turmoil. Hard not to be affected. Hard to keep reminding yourself that you will be okay no matter what. You will, you know - be ok, no matter how this turns out. Just wanted to remind you of that.

My Reiki teacher sent me something that has really helped me lately. The Reiki precepts talk about keeping things in the day and not being angry because usually when we are angry it is about something that happened in the past. We cannot change the past. Continuing to be angry robs us of our present. The precepts also talk about not being worried, because when we worry we are in fear of the future. Again, we are robbing ourselves of the present. By being grateful, we remain in the present and can open ourselves to being compassionate towards ourselves and others.

I hope this helps, although I think you're doing better than you think you are xoxoxo