Mrs JLS journey to saving the marriage

[SteveLW]

JLS, I see that your husband is 61. And your are 34.

I know you probably get tired of the age issue from outsiders, as you probably hear lots of things about it. But it is kind of the elephant in the room so I will just go ahead and broach the subject. How much of your current issues do you think is related to the age difference?

I know you said he is young looking, active, etc. That's great.

But a 61 year-old business owner is in a completely different place than a 34 year-old. You obviously want to have kids. He is looking at retirement in a few years. Do you see how those two things could be at odds? Say you got pregnant right now. He'd be 79 when his son or daughter went off to college. I don't know your financial sitch, but most of us would be in a sheer panic at the thought of paying for college, 18 years from now, in retirement.

The sudden proposal after the "not wanting to be a father" issue is alarming. I'm 49 years old. If something happened to my W and I started being pursued by a 22 year-old, I might be willing to tell her anything in order to land her! I am not saying that is what he did, but he due to love he might have really even meant it at the time. But after the wedding, when the reality of you moving forward with having kids set in, thoughts like the above might have been in the back of his head.

Obviously, the important thing is that you want to save your marriage. So DBing is going to give you the best opportunity for that. I am not sure LTR is the right approach though. LTR is for a very specific set of circumstances. (Have your read DB/DR??) I think the approach you want to take is GAL, 180s, and detachment. Being the spouse only a fool would leave!

However, I do think you need to deal with the kids issue. I think that is a giant vortex in the middle of your MR. There is going to be resentment for a long time to come from either or both of you if that isn't resolved satisfactorily.