You need to make YOU a priority. Until YOU are a healthy individual, your W isnt going to be interested in reconciling and frankly, even if she were, it wouldnt be a lasting connection. The only person that can control your happiness right now is you. YOU are making the CHOICE to be unhappy based on her actions. How can you take back that power? It isnt easy, but I know you CAN do it.
Again, I hear ya, but my head is spinning with all the what ifs. What would make me happy (I think) would be bundling up the dog into my campervan and going on the road. But a lot of things need to happen until I can do that, so I need to make all of these things happen first. I need to find a flat, get the house sold so I can buy the camper and convert it.
Yes, I could go work at a cafe or pub, but I would still just sit there pondering what she is up to, same as I do in the house, but without my dog for comfort (he's the best for that!). Plus, I'd spend money eating out while working, which I don't want to do. I don't feel like socializing with strangers, never been great at that. Honestly, I am not trying to make excuses for not GAL, but it should be a life I want to get, not doing stuff I don't feel up to for the sake of doing it, otherwise it would just be fake. There are a few things I am looking into doing (sewing meetup, salsa dancing etc.) once work is a little less busy hopefully by the end of next week, and hopefully her going away for a few days will give me a breather in the house without listening for the key in the door.
I know I need to focus on all of the things I want to do vs. sitting and hoping that the affair is just imagined or she will "come to her senses" just because I turned down Chinese food.
All points taken, my head knows you're right, it's just my heart that is still screaming.
