Gordie #20: patiently living my life

[Gordie]

Wow guys thank you for the thoughtful comments

Really feel like you guys care which means a lot

And the fact that you have different perspectives is awesome

But want to particularly respond to DNJ and Mach1




DNJ great reminder of where I am now vs where I was

It has been a long two years

And yes a big change from w wanting me out of her life

And the depths of my own personal hell

Are we building something new or not

Only time will tell

So better to enjoy the moment

And doing things with her I have no interest in just to be with her is the right attitude

I had not thought of the LBS process of doing all these things to protect and heal self

That at some point you have to unwind if you can ever get to reconciliation

But how you do that with hope and no expectation or timelines

Yes I used to do things I did not like to be with her

And she did the same for me

And when rewriting history she always did what I wanted and I never did what she wanted

But I know that is not true

So I am going to do one of her activities with her this weekend

I can only control me and I choose to do this

I cannot control her and how this will affect her positively or negatively



And Mach1 damn right I still have fear

Fear of doing the wrong thing

Scaring the squirrel away

Fear of opening my heart and getting hurt all over again if she runs away again

Just like Cali experienced

But you are right that she already did the worst she can do

So why do I still have fear

Because I still love her and and want this to work out

For love to be mutual again

For the family to stay together

And yes I am afraid it may not

You are my favorite provocateur

Because I know you care

We will meet in person one day

And I promise I am not the 98 pound emotional weakling you think I am