Over the course of our relationship, we've never really argued. We got along great. She always said she was happy. A few years ago she said we needed to start taking vacations, so we did that. The desire to do more things seemed to build from there, which was fine, but definitely got to be over the top after a while.
As far as I go, Id like to think I was a good man. Not a great man mind you, but still good. My life has revolved around my family, and Ive spent the last 16 years either at work, at home with my family, doing family activities, or at S's activities. Never really had time for myself or friends. That said, I LOVE being a family man. My shortcomings were putting my S before my wife. We were both guilty of that as he has always been our #1 priority, sometimes to a fault. Secondly, I didnt go back to school and get a graduate degree as I have said I would for years. That one is truly on me, and I dropped the ball there. I've been working on it for months now and am finally getting closer to deciding what I want to do. Financially, she took over as the main bread winner years ago, and hard times hit when she was forced into a big paycut. Her main source of hurt from me is she feels that I didnt do more to helpl out during that time. Yes I was extremely busy too, but looking back I can agree with her and admit I could have done more to bring in extra money. Ive been trying to right tgis ship for a year, but it looks like i was running a race Im not allowed to win if that makes sense.
I've read some of the notes from Women's infidelity, and I couldnt agree more that she doesnt want me to make her happy. She has a new guy in place who seems to have money and is spoiling her so he doesnt lose her a 2nd time. I think he's in it for the long haul. Im trying to start doing some detatchment, but honestly I think thats what she wants. I really dont think she wants anything to do with me any longer and has already replaced me. How a woman can go out and be with another man and then come home to her husband at night like nothing is wrong comletely mystifies me. It seems she thinks what she is doing is fully justified and as she says "if I was doing what I should have been doing, there would never have been room for another man". I've asked her within the last couple of months what more I could do to improve the relationship and her answer was nothing, Im already doing everything.
This feels like Ive been living in a nightmare for over a year.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
