Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

Well, it turns out that today is the day my wedding band comes off. A friend of mine stopped by last night and we had a drink on the front porch. D7 sat on my lap while we talked. She was playing with my hands, grabbed my ring, and said, "Why do you wear this? It's for girls!" I brushed it off and then she said, "Seriously, why do you wear this?"

In my head I thought, "That's a really great question." But I told her it is a wedding ring and it means that I am married to mommy. It broke my heart. Look, I'm fine playing house until W moves out, just in case the one-in-a-million chance that she changes her mind and stays happens. But something about explaining me wearing a wedding band to D7 -- knowing that any day now, when W finally musters up the courage, she is going to break our Ds hearts -- was too much for me. The ring is off.

...

Last night after we put the girls in bed, W comes down and tells me that she is going to do some shopping. This is just a day after she told me that we have to communicate "about our plans." I brought this up to her, in a calm fashion. Something along the lines of "Just yesterday you told me that we need to communicate about plans. And now you tell me a moment before you leave that you are going out. What if I had plans to go out now?"

W: You're right. I should have told you.

Me: That's not really my point. I'm saying you don't have to tell me and I don't have to tell you.

W, with tears welling in her eyes: No. I want to tell you and I want you to tell me.

Me: OK. But I don't think it's any of my business.

W: OK. Do you need anything at the store?

Me: Nope. Enjoy yourself.

I have no clue what about this conversation made her start to cry. She I can count on one hand the number of times she has cried in front of me about this whole sitch.

Anyway, I settled in to watch a movie. She returned about an hour later and plops down on the couch. Then it's 20 questions. "What are you watching?" "Is it any good?" "What's going on here?" "Are they stranded?" "Isn't Tom Hardy in this?" "Is that Tom Hardy?" "Whoa, who are those guys?" "What are they doing?"

I pause the movie and say: "I'm not trying to be rude here. If you want to watch a movie with me, you are more than welcome to watch a movie with me. Any time. But I'm trying to watch this and I can't keep stopping it to bring you up to speed."

"OK," she said, "You're right."

Now I feel guilty about that exchange. This is hard.