I crazymake when I am feeling insecure, sad, lonely, bored, or unimportant. I generally do it only with my husband...although I have been known to indulge ina milder form in very close friendships.
Big trigger times for me are times when I know I am not going to be spending much time with my H, or times when he is busy and can't pay attention to me. Or anytime I let myself think about the past and what he could be doing.
Fear is a big trigger emotion for me. My crazymaking comes from growing up around my Dad - I spent a lot of time and effort trying to win his love, and never quite making it. There was always something or someone more important to him. One example: I remember if I tried to talk to him while he was watching TV, he would just turn it up until I was drowned out - no acknowledgement at all. And when I moved out to live on campus during my freshman year, he simply stopped talking to me. No phone calls, no visits, and only disapproval when I was home. My whole childhood was structured around making my Dad happy, and currying favor with him, and all of a sudden he was gone from my life. I almost felt as if I didn't exist. Enter my first college relationship, and the true beginning of my crazymaking. If I made a lot of noise (drama), I could feel like I was a real person who mattered again, instead of just a rejected and unwanted daughter. That's where my crazymaking comes from - a misguided attempt to establish a self, and to feel "real."
Step 3: What is step 3? Anyone? I think the more structure we give these steps (as hokey as it may sound) the more we can help ourselves and other fellow crazymakers. We can beat this!
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
