Urgh. So the W has taken the dogs for a "day out to clear her head". I know she's gone to see the other one. I know it, and it's killing me. I am trying my hardest to GAL, to focus on myself, getting a place to stay and not think about what she's up to right now, but it hurts so bad.
I feel like I should have known when I met her, it's exactly the same situation, just that I am the one left behind now, not her ex. I could kick myself for falling for her, I wish I had never met her. At the moment, the whole 14 years feel like a big fat lie.
How do I get past this? I am trying to "fake it til I make it", but I've never been any good at faking anything, I always wear my heart on my sleeve and hate pretending.
It's not easy. Im not going to tell you how to feel because I know that feeling of not being able to breathe or think. Ill just let you know what worked for me:
- when I got into too much "thinking", I visualized a giant stop sign and all of those thoughts slamming into it. I also wore a rubber band on my wrist and snapped it every time my thoughts drifted.
- I went out and GAL'd as hard as I could. There were weeks where I wouldnt be home until after 11 every single day. Just trying to keep busy and keep myself occupied.
- I read and tried to give encouragement here. Positivity brought on more positivity and the thoughts of helping others was so beneficial.
- I set gals and made lists and tried to keep myself on task with what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.
The point? Keep your mind busy or your thoughts will wander into that dark place.
