Friends: Season 2--The air has cleared

[Underdog]

Karen,

I've said this a few dozen times here on the BB...

But, on the other hand, do any of you freak out b/c things are going WELL?? For instance, you don't believe that it will last, it's too good to be true, you don't want to be taken advantage of/for granted/for a fool??? I deliberately sabotage my r w/him b/c of these reasons.

Even if that were to be the case, why on earth would you feel it was a reflection of you? If you offer trust and other admirable virtues to others, but they disrespect them... that is a reflection of them, NOT YOU!

I can assure you that I've proven my love and everything that it entails to Mr. Wonderful in a variety of ways over the past year. I've put myself in a vulnerable spot, I've been honest with him, and I've done it for love--he seems to appreciate it too! If he chooses the path that doesn't include me, does this mean I'm a fool?

Does the rest of the world view me as a fool? If they do, so be it. But I CHOOSE to think that they now see me through different glasses: I was patient, kind, understanding and lovable to someone who often did not return them back to me. This makes HIM the fool, not me.

This process isn't about making everything fit in its proper place for neatness sake or to get what we want in the way we wanted.

Sage made a point yesterday about the fact that we all learn at different speeds and process things differently. Well, we were applying this to each other on the BB, but the fact is it's true for our spouses too. We simply ARE different and we GET things on unique timetables.

I see your fear of getting what you want as a huge obstacle. Why is it so important that your H follows your rules? Has that worked in the past? I'm gonna guess not. (Mine didn't.) Why not allow the process to take control rather than you?

I promise you I have no lasting scars or wounds from giving up the reins. It's actually been nice to live in a tide of tranquility, where I'm not working against myself all the time (which was usually the case).

The only person who makes this process harder than it should be is us. And I'd be willing to make a very large wager that most of it is resisting the changes we know very well we MUST make but are looking for every alternative out there before doing the hard work.

Picture it this way:

Life just is. I make some godawful storm, put my canoe in the raging waters and then navigate the rapids, hoping I'll reach safe ground at some point. You could congratulate me for doing such a great job handling the canoe... but why should you? You saw me stir up the pot and turn calm weather into nasty weather. What is admirable about that?

Nasty weather should just happen when it happens. There is NO need to force it along. Just enjoy being. I promise you learning how to do this is a much better option than trying to teach your H and yourself how to deal with you.

I hope this makes sense!!!