Thanks Benito. we will be together in about an hour at a school event.
Should I sit next to her?
Should I leave before her?
Putting aside the turmoil you are going through, because I know it hurts.. so I totally sympathise with you.
But in reality you are asking strangers on the the internet on what you should be saying and doing to your OWN wife of 25 years!
There is difference asking for some advice such as "should I send D paperwork back" etc.. as to asking "should I offer her a taste of this food I have cooked?", "should she sit next to me?" etc..
What do you think? its your wife! you tell us.
The reason your flapping a bit, is because you dont know THIS version of her, so want some advise and that is fair enough. BUT... as I said at the very beginning.. you are asking this advice to try and make the situation better and turn her around. At this point it shouldn't matter she has gone. You need to turn your attention inwards... totally inwards and do what feels correct for you.. NOT a display of "look at me I have changed" for her benefit.
I have been through this myself. Wanted to kill myself and spent thousands on councillors and alot more
My very best friend is going through the same now and the patterns are nearly exactly the same in each case.
You have grown so much in a husband and father role - that you dont even know who you are anymore.
When you first met your wife did you come on the internet asking for advice on how to make her laugh/smile? No you didn't because it was probably natural.
Your current situation now is unnatural and awkward because its turned into a business deal with none of that happy romance anymore - the only way you are going to get that back is being honest with yourself about the gravity of your situation.
Most people are here to avoid the pain of being alone rather than man up and go though the painful journey of rebuilding ourselves from scratch - which is hard and painful - but it can be done.
I have a WAW that came back and explained all this to me. I remember buying her flowers and random bits of affection - and it did not make one bit of difference - It turned her stomach. Everything you think is right is probably wrong as she wants you out of her life. So the ONLY way forward.. is controlling the ONLY thing you have available to you and that is you. Not her.
Stop holding onto hope (at the moment) as its going to be your undoing. Your behaviour and actions at the moment are being interpreted by her in a totally different way than you will ever believe.
She needs space space space and you need you you you
