I totally agree with the other posts, and I can say this as an LBS and a daughter of divorce. Your daughter doesn't want to think about your separation or to have to spend any holidays or special days with only one of you. That may be out of her control some of the time, but if you go when you can, you will give her a double gift -- the gift of your presence on that day, and the gift of a model of grace and selflessness under fire that she can go back to all her life.
I also don't think you should ever make any decisions out of bitterness or a sense of paying back or giving W a taste of her own medicine. This will never work and can backfire.
I also think your W is revealing her confused state of mind. That is incredible that she asked what she could cook for you, that is a what a W should do! Maybe she can only do it in that context and when apart from you. In faith-based circles of marriage standers, we'd call that a serious blessing.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
