Wow, this is great...well, and not so great. Great that you all have insight and have changed your ways. Not so great when I think about a lot of the stupid fights I have started, accusations, and scenes made in public. Ick, ick ick!!!
I crazymake b/c I am bored, I want some attn., I want reassurance, and I want to see that h will put up with one of my fits AGAIN (boy, he must really love me if he let me do that to him and he is still here!). However, h no longer reassures me. He, like another aforementioned h, gave up saying that it doesn't matter what he does or says b/c it's never enough, or I don't believe him, and that he's tired of being blamed and accused of being someone that he is not.
At this point, I cannot ask him for any reassurances or ask him to tell me he loves me, etc. He got so tired of me trying to control him and he says, "would you rather I do it because I want to or because you told me to??" So, he keeps telling me that I need to be patient with him which I am not.
But, on the other hand, do any of you freak out b/c things are going WELL?? For instance, you don't believe that it will last, it's too good to be true, you don't want to be taken advantage of/for granted/for a fool??? I deliberately sabotage my r w/him b/c of these reasons. UG-and I'll get exactly what I am afraid of.
When h threatened to leave, I was motivated, then it seemed that i got lazy b/c he wasn't saying that anymore and he's still with me. *That's really not a good reason to be motivated, is it??* I DO want to get better for me.
I live in constant fear and anxiety. Lord, I am afraid he will be attracted to another woman in the room. I am being completely honest as silly/irrational I may sound, but I've been trying to get over this forever (happened in all previous serious r's), and I NEED to GET OVER IT!!
Thanks for being here. got a meeting to go to... karen812
